How to set flexible boundaries in your life that bring you joy
Boundaries can be tricky.
But if you master them, you’ll find time and space to allow your new mindset to flourish.
You’ll find the power within yourself. The power that only you can give.
Boundaries can help you in many different seasons, both good and bad:
First day back from maternity leave? It would be best if you had boundaries.
Starting a new job? What are your boundaries?
Going full-time self-employed? Set your boundaries.
Make them clear.
Write them down.
And don’t be afraid to defend them.
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Boundaries:
Are key to creating the life you dream of living.
Are for you, not for anyone else
Create space and allow YOU to say what is a priority versus chasing someone else’s priority.
Two little tricks may go against what you think about boundaries, and I will discuss them below. I hope in diving a little deeper; you’ll feel more confident in setting or repairing boundaries in your day to day.
Boundaries need to be clear, but they can also be flexible
If you’re a mom or a small business owner, you know this: Something will always unpredictably go off the rails. For better or worse, being a mom and a small business owner is a life of spontaneity.
Sometimes something goes wrong:
Someone will get sick for the five hundredth time this winter.
Something will break.
Something will be lost, or a meltdown will happen.
A deadline gets pushed up, or responsibilities momentarily increase.
Sometimes its something good:
-You choose to take the unexpected long way to enjoy the view.
-A once-in-a-hundred opportunity comes your way, and you must put in a little extra work in to take advantage of it.
While setting clear boundaries is essential, they need to have a little give. We must build them to be flexible and not shame ourselves when boundaries need to bend.
If we build our boundaries out of solid walls, when something goes wrong, they will inevitably break. When they break, we start losing sight of what the boundaries were, to begin with.
However, if we build them to be flexible, we move with them.
We know our grounding place, but we can move with the curveballs.
Curveballs like: A child gets sick, and this week becomes a week where the focus is on caretaking versus finding extra time for yourself
The important part is knowing it is temporary and knowing where we want to return when time allows.
It’s a constant push-pull of grit and grace that only you can find.
It’s listening to your mind and body and knowing when your boundaries need to flex.
It’s knowing when to push through the “tired” feeling versus when our body simply needs to rest.
Boundaries are for you, not for anyone else.
You may think that boundaries are for keeping other people in line. For not getting trampled on. For putting up walls.
Sure, it can seem this way, but this puts the responsibility on others. Others may not agree. Boundaries at their core are about YOU, not them.
Creating boundaries can feel tricky and complicated at first.
Think of it like muscles - it can take time to build them up slowly.
The more you establish them and remind others, the more they become known and the stronger they become.
Others around you may never agree with your boundaries, but at some point, they’ll realize that they are firm and these things are part of who you are.
This is what’s likely going to happen:
You set a boundary.
Mom, dad, friend, or coworker will question your boundary.
You stumble, over judgment or fear that you are being selfish
Your boundary weakens and cracks, falling back to your old ways
You don’t need to explain your boundaries.
Boundaries can be selfish - and others may not have the same goals as you, and, therefore not understand. This is okay. Remember, this is for YOU.
When you set a new boundary, you may even be met with resistance.
They aren’t in the same season
They may push back
They may even intentionally break your boundary to test it’s strength
It can feel demeaning
This can be the hardest part - standing with your boundaries repeatedly. Being selfish. Standing strong in our grounding.
If you’ve read to this point, I bet your mind is spinning with new ideas about boundaries. I’d love to connect and hear what boundaries you are setting and how they’re creating more space in your days.
Let’s Connect
What did you find most empowering after reading this?
I’d love you to share it with me via my Instagram DM’s so we can continue the conversation.
I’m building a community of ambitious women who support each other in pursuing our biggest, boldest dreams, and I hope you will come along for the wild ride.
